Bring Your Whole Self to Work (but should you?!)

Photo credit: Canva

By Kristin Bower

Bring your whole self to work. It’s something that I hear often in the work that I do as an equity, diversity, and inclusion (EDI) consultant. I have even said it myself MANY times in years past, that workplaces should be environments that are so inclusive that you can be anyone and feel welcome, a part of something, and a sense of belonging. This is basically the core of why I got into human resources over 20 years ago and then EDI work.

But in the last year or so I have been noodling on this idea. I have been asking myself and colleagues THIS question:

SHOULD a person REALLY bring their WHOLE self to work?

And this is where I have landed: it depends. I think all hinges on what we mean by “whole self.”

What does bring your whole self to work even mean?

In the world of EDI – like most areas – words and phrases get tossed around that mean different things to different people. And this phrase is a great example of that. I am sure that if I asked 10 people for their definition of “whole self” in the workplace I would get 10 different answers (I know this because I hear different definitions all the time).

For the sake of clarity, I will share my interpretation. It’s how I describe it to my clients and audiences when I am presenting a workshop, facilitating a focus group, or delivering a talk. Bringing your whole self to work means that you don’t have to mask or downplay who you are: your diversity identities. Here are just a few examples of what I mean.

• A woman who works in a mostly male environment doesn’t have to “lean in” and “act like a man” to be taken seriously.

• A gay man can have a picture of his husband on his desk in the office instead of keeping that aspect of his life out of the workplace.

• A Black woman can wear her hair however she chooses.

• A person with a disability feels comfortable requesting an adjustment or accommodation to how or where they work.

Here’s the thing: hiding parts of your identity that are core to who you are is exhausting. It’s time and energy that can be better spent in the workplace focusing on your work, professional development, and building healthy relationships with your coworkers and manager.

Is this how you would have described it? Maybe, maybe not. But if YOU are a business owner, CEO, Board Chair or member, people leader, or HR professional, have you spent time thinking about what it means to you, your organization, and the people in it?

You MUST get clear on it.

When you do, you can articulate it to leaders, employees, AND those who you want to attract to your organization. If you put something in your job ads about “this is a workplace where you can bring your whole self to work” then you need to know what that means. There is significant risk that when we use these words and terms and promote them as part of an employer brand and workplace culture that when we don’t live up to them (the promise, basically!), then we risk losing great, talented people.

When SHOULDN’T You Bring Your Whole Self to Work?

We can be our authentic, true selves in the workplace but let’s be real for a minute. Are we ever truly, 100% authentically ourselves – wholly and fully – with everyone in our lives all the time? I would argue no. And there can be a variety of reasons for that. Maybe you don’t feel like sharing all the details about a rough spot in your marriage when your mom asks how things are going because you don’t want to worry her. Perhaps you don’t want to tell a friend how you really feel about their religious beliefs that differ from yours because, frankly, your friendship is more important to you than a “truth telling” moment that could create a wedge between you.

And sometimes it’s a situation where you don’t feel psychologically safe to share something about your identity. An example of this is disclosing a mental health diagnosis such as depression or Indigenous status. The reality is that there is still stigma and discrimination that happens in Canadian workplaces every day (yes, even the “good” employers). It’s up to YOU to decide what to disclose if you disclose at all.

And “bring your whole self to work” does NOT mean that you can say anything that you want, at anytime, to anyone.

There is a lot going on in the world and it’s important to talk about things – it helps us to process the injustices that we see and make sense of things. But there is always a time and a place. Applying some discernment as to who you share an opinion with, when you share it, and within what context (are you sharing a political belief in front of customers while doing your job? Maybe not the best idea.) can help you stay out of the boss’s office or HR!

Build Inclusive Workplaces That Are Psychologically Safe and Healthy

I still believe that workplaces should be environments that are inclusive so that you can be yourself – no masking or downplaying your diversity – and feel welcome. As human beings we have an intrinsic need to feel a part of something, and a sense of belonging – we need to find our in-group, our people. When we prioritize psychological safety, we create environments where we can be ourselves. Would you rather work for that type of employer or one where you have to conform and spend time hiding who you are and worrying that you don’t quite fit in? I know which one I would choose.

So maybe we are looking at this from the wrong angle. Maybe instead of the onus being on the employee and what they bring, it should be on the employer to create a healthy, inclusive, and equitable workplace. Maybe the movie Field of Dreams said it best, “Build it and they will come.”

Kristin Bower is a partner in Leda HR and a diversity, equity, and inclusion consultant living, learning, unlearning, and working in Metro Vancouver on the traditional and unceded lands of the Katzie (q̓ic̓əy̓) People. Endlessly curious, she is dedicated to making the world a better place, one small act or conversation at a time, preferably over a cup of coffee!