Suicide Awareness: Eat a Burger. Save a Life.
By Kristin Bower
Trigger Warning: This blog post is about suicide and mental illness. And yes, it’s gonna be super real and deeply personal. But there will also be burgers at the end…
I can’t remember the first time I thought about not existing.
My mom has long called me her melancholy baby. She remembers that when I was around 20 years old, I said it would be better if I wasn’t alive. What a thing for a parent to hear. At 25 I was diagnosed with depression but it’s clear that I had been experiencing a mood disorder and anxiety for much longer.
I also can’t count how many times I have thought about dying. Too numerous to count, frankly. When I was in my early 40’s is when I first recall having thoughts of killing myself. In a deep, months-long severe depression, I couldn’t feel joy – I couldn’t feel anything, really. Just this sense that it would all be better, easier if I could just go to sleep and never wake up.
But I want to make this crystal clear: I am not suicidal now nor have I felt that way in a very long time.
Thankfully, by some miracle, I didn’t act on any of those thoughts. And I say by some miracle because what made me special or different than those who didn’t make it?
Because here’s the thing: nobody really dies by suicide. They die from mental illness.
As an adult, I think I knew that there were supports available to me. But if you are a kid, that’s much harder to recognize. And yes, young kids are dying by suicide.
You are NOT Alone
This is a cliché but, like many cliches it’s grounded in truth. You are NOT alone although it might feel like it. And I mean that in a few ways…
Would you be surprised to know that recent research from Mental Health Research Canada shows…
“56% (more than 1 in 2) of struggling Canadians are not getting the mental health help they need. This is just over half of the 15% of people who are either accessing mental health supports or feel they should be but are not accessing support (struggling).”
When I started to advocate for greater awareness of mental illness and to de-stigmatize these disorders, I found that when I spoke my truth there was ALWAYS at least one person who would come up to me afterwards and whisper, “me too.” In the almost 15 years since I first started blogging and speaking about this stuff, I have been so happy and encouraged to see the pendulum swing in the right direction. There are fewer whispers and more open discussion about depression and anxiety. But this research, sadly, shows that not enough of us are asking for help AND getting the care we need.
There IS help available.
Canada has just launched (FINALLY) a 988-suicide helpline that can be accessed 24/7. It is run by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) and provides free texting and calling services. Like 911, I hope that all Canadians commit this number to memory.
9-8-8
Are you a parent? Please take about this stuff with your kids. And no, talking about suicide does not encourage anyone to do it – that’s a fallacy. Talking about this stuff helps to normalize the topic of mental health issues. And when we normalize these conversations, we start to trip away the shame.
Are you a manager? Keep this number in the workplace. Post it on the bulletin board in the coffee room. Talk about wellness and mental health in team meetings. Normalize talking about this stuff in the WORKPLACE!
But What About the Burgers?
My mom was lucky. Although she has walked alongside me, holding my hand as I have traversed some pretty dark days (weeks, months, years), she still has her child. Not all mothers (and fathers) are that lucky.
My fried Mallory lost her child to suicide a few years ago. As she, her husband, and daughter navigate the never-ending rough waters of grief, they have found a special way to celebrate their son and brother.
Clive loved burgers. And so, each year they honour, remember, and celebrate him with #burgersforclive. In Mallory’s words, here’s how YOU can participate, raise awareness of a serious mental heath issue, AND enjoy a delicious burger…
On Thursday, December 7th have a burger (homemade or restaurant) and think of Clive on what would have been his 19th birthday.
Rate your burger on his 15-point scale (5 each for patty, bun, and toppings).
Share a photo using #burgersforclive, your score.
And most importantly, have a conversation about mental health with your kids, friends, and loved ones.
We know money is tight for many right now, but should you have the ability to donate in Clive’s name to our chosen mental health organization @jackdotorg link is here: https://jack.akaraisin.com/ui/cc2019/p/clive
Eat a burger. Have a conversation. Save a life.
Kristin Bower is a partner in Leda HR and a diversity, equity, and inclusion consultant living, learning, working, and playing on the traditional and unceded lands of the Katzie (q̓ic̓əy̓) People. Endlessly curious, she is dedicated to making the world a better place, one small act or conversation at a time!