Three Ways to Set Boundaries Inspired by Mariah
By Lindsay Bissett
When you hear the name Mariah Carey what do you think of? Icon, Diva, Queen of Christmas, or maybe you simply think, I don’t know her.
Whatever the name Mariah Carey brings to mind, she is an iconic artist and personality we can learn a lot from. A multi-racial singer and record producer, with a five-octave vocal range (seriously), Mariah has been creating the soundtrack to Millennial lives since the 90s.
What differentiates Mariah from other artists is her unapologetic ability to be herself. Society watched her rise and devastating fall during a time in her life when she was diagnosed with a mental health condition, and then climb back to a permanent spot on the Celebrity A List.
Mariah is who she is, she knows what she’s good at, and she knows who she wants around her. Don’t we all want to be that person? I sure do. Let’s dig in!
1. Protect your peace.
“I don’t know her.”
Mariah famously responded “I don’t know her” when asked by a reporter about another star who she allegedly did not have a strong relationship with at the time. What’s magical about this line, and perhaps why it has become a timeless meme, is the simplicity.
People say similar things about toddlers, and my youngest daughter is certainly an expert in this area; they are not afraid to simply say what they mean. They will say no without a second of guilt. If they don’t want to be friends with someone, if they don’t want to do something, it’s very easy to just say no and move onto something else that is more fulfilling.
Mariah exudes healthy NO energy. She will not surround herself with people who don’t bring out the best in her. She also demonstrates the ability to do that without making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. She protects her peace in the simplest way.
For those of us who are not iconic superstars, healthy NO energy could look like saying no to work that is outside of the scope of your job description, or not taking on something extra when our plates are already full. Maybe it’s even saying no to social obligations in favor of rest. Healthy NO energy is not about being lazy or difficult, its about honoring ourselves.
2. Believe in yourself.
“When you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong and you'll finally see the truth - that hero lies in you.”
I mean, these lyrics truly speak for itself. The hero lies in you. Do not discount your abilities or your potential. Be your own biggest fan. Look inside you - let your inner voice of belief in yourself be louder than any external critics
Another Mariah moment for good measure, “This is for all of you out there tonight, reaching for a dream - don't ever give up! Never ever listen to anyone, when they try to discourage you, because they do that, believe me!”
3. Forgive yourself.
“I left the worst unsaid, let it all dissipate, and I try to forget”
Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. It is not so much the mistake that matters, but how we recover from it. What do we learn from those experiences? How do those learnings bring us back to our true selves? How do they help us shape a better future?
Mariah experienced a very public breakdown of her health after releasing Glitter, her first departure from music and entry to film. Criticizing Mariah became the punch line of every late-night show; pictures of her were on every tabloid cover. She could have easily sheltered away from the spotlight forever.
What did Mariah do? She sure didn’t quit. She sought out professionals to get her back on her feet, and once her health was back on track Mariah went back to what she was great at, making incredible music. She invested in herself, not in the critics. By protecting her peace and forgiving herself she rose back to iconic star status.
Sometimes we try something new, and we aren’t great at it. That is ok. Started a new job and don’t love it, that’s ok. Tried to learn excel formulas and you still stink, me too. Those things do not mean we don’t all have incredible value. We can’t be good at everything, and we can’t be our best all the time. What we can do is keep going. Keep trying. Keep reaching for the next win.
Today Mariah has the all-time best-selling Christmas single by a female artist, she has also been nominated for 302 awards throughout her career, winning 179 of those. She takes risks. She wins, she loses. She does not quit. She does not lose faith in herself. And she does not lose sight of her goals. Forgive yourself, believe in yourself, be yourself.
Let the comeback be greater than the setback.
About Lindsay Bissett:
By day Lindsay is a Wellness and Disability Management Consultant, with a flair for social media and mental health advocacy. By night she is a mother of two, green smoothie aficionado, podcast listener, and active glamper.
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